Depression and Suicide (MY MOM)

I have had people tell me over and over again that I shouldn't be mad at my mother for doing the unthinkable and that it wasn't selfish of her that she was sick. So here is my response to everyone, I also know people may not agree with me but to be bluntly honest if you were not on the end of the other side of the aftermath you just may not understand.

My mom was depressed, she was trying to avoid prison time, and she was sick, possibly had a stroke who knows. I did my research and everything since I got her police report. See my mom was everything to me when I was a teenager. But I didn't know that everything I knew was a lie. To avoid prison time and for the consequences of her actions she decided that being a big person and not being a mother anymore wasn't worth it.

Yes, she committed suicide. Yes at first I thought what the heck did she do this for. How could she leave us. I would always tell people that she wasn't selfish, I made things up in my mind that she was sick, but then the truth started to unravel itself out. Yes to me she was a very selfish selfish person for leaving two teenage kids at home when they needed her the most... All for what because she couldn't get her way.

Noone ever thinks of the family aftermath of it. How the pain didn't go away when she left, it stayed with her family and it stayed with her friends. We had to pick up the pieces that she left behind. Her dad left this world not forgiving himself cuz he couldn't be there for his daughter. My grandmother never got over her death. She didn't think hey I may cause some personal issues (like everyone will leave you eventually) thoughts. . She wasn't thinking of anyone. But yet the surviving members of her family are deemed selfish for thinking she was selfish. I love my mom she will always be my mom but for her to leave the way she did is not forgivable but I accepted it due to now knowing the truth on what really went on behind closed doors. Yah people may think she wasn't being selfish, but be in my shoes, and feel the way I felt you would never be the same person you once were. Im done hearing about how suicide isn't selfish tell it to someone who wasn't on the other side, someone who didn't have to deal with the aftermath, burying their parent at a young age. If you knew what I knew everyone would think so to.

Noone knew her the way her kids did. Noone wasn't ever there to see what really went on behind closed doors. My mom wasn't a saint, hell she wasn't really a good mom, but in the end I am always going to love her, but if I could say one thing to her its mainly shame on you, for putting us thru the pain that no kid should ever feel, she decided to leave us and that pain will always be there.