Acceptance (the 5th and final stage)

We all have to have acceptance in our life at one stage or another. I never thought that I would ever accept that my mom was gone but as the years kept creeping up the anger was slowly moving away to the final and last stage of grieving acceptance.

Everyone has told me that I will always miss my mom more then anything in the world, or that I will never forget her. When I had the anger I hated her more then anything in the world. I just didn't know what to do with all my anger, but as time kept creeping by and the days turned to months and the months turned into years I was slowly to start accepting that she was no longer part of my life, or part of my world. I had to get over the fact that she will never see my walk down the aisle, never saw me graduate, never saw her grandbabies be born. I always wondered if she would be a better grandma then a mother. We will never know.

I have accepted the fact that she decided to make that dreadful decision that day. I have accepted that I will never hear her voice, or hear her sing again. I have read her police report with a clear mind this time and I have accepted and forgave her on some of the things that were said in there but then again it was all word of mouth, but I forgive her. Life is full of many challenges and ups and down, curveballs. I have had every thing known to man thrown my way and I have overcame it all. I went thru something that nobody at my age should go thru, and I have kicked arse at getting thru life with not having her around and I turned out perfectly fine. I just had to learn how to accept the fact that she was gone and that being angry and bitter towards it wasn't ever going to bring her back. I feel peace and alot more less crazy once I forgave her and accepted her being gone. Ill see her again. I will always love her because she is my mom. I miss her on occassions just not all the time. That don't make me a horrible daughter but I just can't dread on her not being here anymore and start living my life. Live my life the way she wanted me to. Thats what I am exactly going to do.