5 stages of grief!!

There are 5 stages of grief that everyone goes thru when they lose a loved one. Denial,Anger,Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. I know losing a loved one is one of the most difficult things anyone could ever go thru. I am going to write about the first stage of grief today and that is Denial.

Denial:

When we found out that my mom took her life, we were in shock and just beside ourselves didn't know what to do. I didn't believe it. I was in the denial stage for at least a couple months before I moved out of Michigan. The day we found out she passed away, I kept staring at the door hoping she was going to walk in and yell "Surprise i'm joking." Cruel joke I know, but I think I would take a cruel joke over her being gone at that point in time of my life. When I went home I was thinking maybe she was there still, and this all could just be a nightmare, but she was gone. Everywhere I looked, it reminded me of her, some people I have seen looked just like her. How could she really be gone from this world? How could she just up and leave everything behind and to me not think about her kids? She just left us, there was like a black hole that I kept crawling to and didn't care where I was going just avoid being in the pain I was in. She was there for 17 years of my life and then boom she is just gone. I have this void in me, like there is nothing there. How am I going to fill my life up again with happiness? How am I going to get over this? At this point I don't think anything can help the void and the loneliness that I was feeling. If I was feeling this way I could only imagine how my brother must be feeling.

When everyone is already moving on and your still in denial that makes you realize that she is never coming back, that she made the decision to leave you and your brother. It took me a while to move on from all this. But I never knew once the denial went away what would come after that. I thought the denial part was the worst part of grief, I never knew how big of a storm it was going to be, until it all came crashing down on me. My feelings were all over the place. I didn't know what was going on until someone I knew told me I was going thru the stages of grief. I just took one day at a time. I was done with the denial part of grief, now I am on to the bargaining part of the grief cycle.

Stay tuned!!